I am an ally...
Even as a child I never understood what was wrong with being “gay,” but as children often do, even I have been guilty of using slurs as insults among friends, or to express contempt or disinterest. I am an ally, but I am not perfect.
Some of my first memories involve one of my mother’s best friends, a family friend who was trusted to watch after me when my parents weren’t available. His name was Phil, a tall, and from memory, clean cut man, Phil was a self described “flaming faggot” and took pride in what I now understand was self depreciating humor; but more than that it was emasculating the insult. I appreciated Phil, he was (is? I couldn’t say. We lost touch some years ago) a good man. Not perfect, but who really is?
Phil had a roommate, I don’t know if they were ever an item, nor do I remember his roommate’s name, but boy do I remember him. On the shorter side, Phil’s roommate was a scrawny, wiry, very gay, black man who worked at a local radio station as a DJ – and his listeners would have thrown a fit had they known: 92.3 WIL country radio in Saint Louis Missouri, broadcasting from Creve Coeur! This was the early 1990’s, Rush Limbaugh was beginning to make his name, and a gay black man broadcasting on a large Country & Western radio station out from the city to the more rural and even more conservative parts of Missouri was certainly not what listeners would have wanted.
I remember this all striking me because not many years later, while living in the more rural Wentzville area, the death of Matthew Sheppard and all that came with it happened. The irony was not lost on me.
By my senior year of high school, I had my first encounter with a person we would now call “transgender.” Her name is Chloe. At least it was then. I did not get to know her, mainly due to proximity, and do not pretend to keep up with anyone from those days. Word about Chloe, the new transfer student who was a “boy” but was transitioning as a woman spread through the senior class of over 1100 students like wild fire. Many of these students were from conservative working class and farm families as well as conservative upper middle class of likes of Lake Saint Louis. The area, at the time, had not been widely developed and even then, the closest 24 hour gas station was 20 minutes away down interstate 70. This was, by no means, a diverse cosmopolitan community.
I distinctly remember one morning standing in the cafeteria talking with friends before classes started, as one does, when one of my high school friends, runs up to me to get my attention. “That’s Chloe,” he exclaimed with a hush to emphasize the importance to me without making a scene for everyone within earshot. “She’s got a nice ass,” was my reply as I didn’t miss a beat and continued the conversation I was having before being rudely interrupted. Brad interrupted again more insistently than before”No! THAT’S Chloe.” The unspoken point he was trying to convey struck me in that moment, I took a closer look at her from across the way and looked him square in the eyes and said, “Fine. HE’S got a nice ass.” My tone and clarity in what I was saying most assuredly conveyed my irritation at being bothered with something I considered so trivial, because, to me, Chloe was just trying to live her life in the way that she felt the most authentic. I wouldn’t have been able to articulate this all then, but with age tends to come a clarity in expression I suppose. Nothing more was ever said, and I cannot even recall if Chloe ended up staying through the end of the year, as I know there was a lot of bullying that happened because people fear what they do not understand.
Love is Love Portrait Series
My privilege for your voice...
I am a white cishet man. The world was built for me, and I’ve known my share of struggle and misfortune, but one thing I have and will never know is a world that is actively working against me. The system exists to amplify my voice. That’s an undeniable and irrefutable fact.
That is why it’s my privilege to use my privilege to help the under-privileged to be heard.
I’ve been a photographer for some two decades, and while my work has ebbed and flowed with my own personal struggles, I have always tried to reflect my values, compassion, and position in my work. I’ve documented the MTUG Trans Pride Parade, and I have worked with some Trans individuals in my “Love is Love” art series. I’m not done, and if you would like to allow me to elevate your voice, and tell your story, here’s how.
If you would like to purchase a piece from my “Love is Love” series, the originals are available for purchase on Etsy, both originals and reproductions.
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